Sunday, September 1, 2013

Sis Invoked the Secret Family Safe Word

Sorry for the delay in the follow up. We're extremely busy packing and running small loads up north to lessen the final moving bill.

So, here's what happened Friday.

9am - I head up north (solo) with a full trailer behind the Orange Jeep.

10:27am - The Queen texts me from school:

"Sis is up in the office. They think she got beat up because her lip. She's trying to tell them but they won't listen and they're calling the police"

10:30am - I call the school front office. I ask if my daughter is in the office. The Dean of Students is put on the phone with me. He informs me that my daughter had come to the office requesting ibuprophen for pain relief. (She has a viral rash on her lower lip, right humerus and left forearm). He concluded that she received the medicine and returned to class.

10:40 - Wifey calls me concerned about receiving the same message from The Queen. I told her I called the school and all was well. We discussed how the text message didn't really make sense and it was probably nothing to be concerned about.

11:30am - Sis calls Wifey on her cell phone from the girls bathroom and says:

(paraphrasing): "They keep asking me if you guys are abusing me. When I asked to call you they said "Not right now." and they won't let me go back to class." Sis is clearly in distress and Wifey now becomes extremely concerned.

11:45am - Wifey calls me and relays the above phone call from Sis. I am two hours north by now. My final destination is another 30 minutes farther. I pull into a McDonald's parking lot and call the school for a second time.

Secretary: "[school name]"
Me: "Is my daughter, name name in the front office right now?"
Secretary: "I'll check"
Dean of Students gets on phone: "This is Mr. XYZ..."
Me: "Yes, is my daughter Name Name in the front office right now?!"
Dean: "Yes, she is ."
Me: "Put her on the phone please."

This is one of the times we got lucky and the school screwed up. I NOW know that if a school suspects child abuse, they should not allow the student to talk to the parents until the police arrive. The school is also NOT suppose to notify the parents of the abuse investigation in progress (which they SUCCESSFULLY hid from us.)

Sis gets on the phone with me. We make a lot of small talk with me asking questions like "are you okay", "what's going on" etc but her answers are short and choppy. Something isn't quite right.

Me: "Is there someone standing near you making you uncomfortable?"
Sis: "Well, not really"
Me: "Is there something that you would like to tell me that you can't tell me right now?"

Sis: "Well...SECRET FAMILY SAFE WORD...maybe..."

And there it was. The secret family safe word that Wifey and I taught our three oldest daughters back when they were the only three kids we had. We picked a phrase that was easy to work into a sentence and would not immediately draw attention to the conversation should one of our children utter the words.

An example would be "PINK GIRAFFE." This is NOT our safe word but it is a phrase that would not sound suspicious coming from a girl. It could be referred to as a child's stuffed animal, or toy etc. If we had not established this safety protocol, we would not have had a clue that our child was in the middle of something  very wrong.

Me to Sis: "Put the Dean of Students back on the phone please"
Dean: "Yes?"
Me: "I'm not sure what is going on up there but you can go ahead and pull all three of my daughters to the front office and my wife will be there in 20 minutes to collect them. We're going to talk as a family tonight about whatever is going on up there and may be requiring a meeting with administration on Tuesday (the next school day).

Dean: "Okay..."

He never sent for my other two girls and never intended to. When Wifey arrived at the school, she was asked to wait for a bit in the front office. She finally spotted Sis in another room through a window when Sis stood up. They saw each other and Wifey motioned for Sis to come to her side in the front office. That's just about when the police showed up.

Wifey was then informed that this was a child abuse investigation. That's when she called me. I asked her to put the Police Officer on the phone.

Officer: "Hello. This is Officer XYZ."
Me: "Hi. I'm the father. This escalated rather quickly, didn't it?"
My ice breaker didn't get recieved well. The Officer's quick retort worried me that I might have a jerk on the phone.

Officer: "No, not really."
Me: "Okay. Well, here's the deal. My daughter has a rash. She's been seen by an Emergency Room physician in the past. It happens a few times a year. She has been prescribed antibiotics in the past but we do not know EXACTLY what the virus is because it has never been plated out in an agar plate at a lab to determine exactly what it is.

So, when they asked her what happened to her face, she correctly answered that she wasn't sure. This lack of an answer, apparently set the school nurse in motion to suspect child abuse."

Officer: "I see. Do you have the prescription?"
Me: "No, we're moving. Everything is packed. I have no idea where it is. It was an old prescription that only had two pills left in the bottle. She has not seen a physician for this latest outbreak because I have no insurance for about two more months."

Officer: "Okay. Well, do you have anything that I can use to confirm your story?"

At that point, the only thing I could think of was a text message conversation between that ER Physician and myself from the day before. I had text her, she is a family friend, and told her the rash was back. I asked if there was anything over the counter that Sis could take for the burning pain. She told me to get Sis some Solarcain.

It was this set of messages that I forwarded to Wifey's phone and she showed the Officer.

Officer: "Okay, I see the messages. It certainly DOESN'T look like signs of abuse to me. I think we're all done here."
Me: "Are they free to go home or is the school holding my children?"
Officer: "Oh no, they are free to go. Can I have the ER doctor's phone number and place of employment?"
Me: "Certainly"

Wifey immediately took everyone to Sonic for some comfort food and headed home. After speaking with the Officer, I continued on my mission. I successfully unloaded the trailer and headed back home. I finally walked in the door at 9pm.

We had a family discussion around the dinner table.

After a full debriefing, the summary to this story is this:

-The nurse suspected child abuse based on these facts (but I will attempt to confirm these on Tuesday when we meet with school officials):

-Sis skipped a class on Thursday to hang out with friends in another class before we moved. She was caught, Admin called us and we agreed to 30 minutes of detention after school on Thursday. The next day, she shows up with a scab on the lower lip. The school nurse assumes this is a result of a punishment by her father for getting detention!

-School nurse calls Child Protective Services even after Sis repeatedly denied any abuse. According to Sis, this nurse continuously asked LEADING questions like:

"Does your father not like your boyfriend? Is that why he hit you?"
"Did you get in trouble for receiving detention? Is that why he hit you?"
"It's okay. This is a safe place. You can tell me."

And it went on and on, Sis says.

So, CPS says (luckily) that they can't do anything. The police have to be called first. So the nurse calls the police. It took the police three hours to respond with an officer. Sis had been pulled out of her first hour class (9am-ish) by the school nurse and the questions began at that time. For some reason, the school nurse left for other business and did not return for over four hours. In that time, two male school administrators (Dean of Students and his assistant) questioned Sis over the same things.

Occasionally they switched her to different rooms but she was never left alone. It wasn't until she asked to go to the bathroom that she snuck a text and call to Wifey. She had asked to call her parents and they told her "not right now." They denied her lunch at noon. She missed all her classes and was never fed until Wifey showed up and demanded food for her well after lunch time. At one other point, the school Counselor interviewed her as well. Sis ended up in the front office (and whatever other rooms they took her to) for a total of 4.5 hours.

Finally, a little before 2pm, the Principle (who had been off campus all morning) entered the room and apologized to Wifey. The nurse never showed herself nor spoke to Wifey. Wifey gathered up the kids and headed to Sonic as mentioned earlier.

Now came time for the family meeting. I had a few hours to mull over what had happened on my drive back from up north. I walked in the front door to the house and immediately called a family meeting. As everyone sat around the kitchen table, I praised everyone for their role in the events today.

Queenie did a terrific job of checking on her sister. She knew something was up and left class to gather intel. With a NO CELLPHONE policy in the school, she snuck off to the bathroom and secretly passed the intel to me. We allow our girls to keep their cell phones out of site and volume off (no vibrating) during school. Communication was paramount in this situation.

Sis did a commendable job staying calm and invoking her safe word. She did not panic, cry or lose composure. I praised her repeatedly for her part in helping us figure out what was going on. So PROUD!

Wifey also kept her composure. She could have gone Super Nova on the staff when she was accused of child abuse. Instead, she recognized that in this type of situation, things can go VERY wrong, VERY fast. She knew that just the mention on involving CPS meant that there was a remote chance her children could get taken away from her for no good reason at all. It happens and we've seen the stories in the news. She stayed in control and kept on eye on her flock.

Aside from having initiated the safe word concept at home, I also performed well. I thought of the text message history. I contacted both the aforementioned ER physician during this scandal AND one of my best friends who is a police officer for advice. I helped keep Wifey in check and relayed a few messages to Macky and The Queen during the ordeal. This potentially horrifying event turned out to be rolled in blessings and our family came together and worked like a well oiled machine.

Nobody was terribly upset by the event. I took the opportunity to explain exactly who the CPS is and what they are capable of. I congratulated everyone on a job well done and we concluded that we are truly blessed for the way the whole event unfolded. I was meant to be out of town. Having never been in this situation before (and therefore uneducated on the school protocol for abuse), I immediately thought the school was guilty of false imprisonment. Had I been able to get to the school, I might have done the wrong thing like insist I take my children home and leave the school grounds. My officer friend explained how the school followed protocol by protecting the child from the parent until the allegations were proven false. I understand that now. It is also the school's "right" to not notify the parents in the case of suspected child abuse.

Wifey feels that the Holy Spirit told her everything would be okay. That "feeling in her gut" said not to panic and that everything would work out. This is a HUGE step for her. She usually requires me by her side for important events like this. She instructed me on the phone as she headed up to the school that she was okay and that I needed to continue on my path to the north. We had a schedule to keep and she would be fine. I was a little shocked to be truthful...and very proud. Honestly, I think me being away for two months in Oklahoma has made her a stronger woman. For the first time in our 15 year marriage, she handled EVERYTHING around the house all by herself for over two months. What a woman!

My remaining questions:

1- Why is this career nurse (I found her FaceBook page along with more details about her than I need to know) not capable of distinguishing the difference between abuse wounds and something that looks like a cold sore on a lower lip? The PROPERLY trained Police Officer could easily tell the difference.

2- According to my Police Officer friend, the only school employee that should have been involved with this event was the school nurse. The other three male administrators should not have been involved. The nurse should have investigated the situation and call THE POLICE, not CPS. The Police call CPS after their investigation, if warranted.

3- Does the school nurse FULLY understand the repercussions of alleging a child abuse case before she starts calling everyone? She didn't interview Sister's other two siblings at the school (both are teenagers). There are other teachers at the school that know my children very well. One music teacher has taken Sis to choir practice before school for the past YEAR. She could have told her there had never been signs of child abuse.

4- Why was my teenager denied food?

My girls have gone to this school going on three years now. Personally, I think this nurse is an idiot. I intend to have a meeting with school officials on Tuesday and we are ALL going to learn from this experience. Along the way, I am going to voice my opinion that this nurse be fully trained before she accuses any more families of child abuse.


PS, if you don't have an established family safe word...what are you waiting for?


  1. One more thing you need to object to, is leaving her with men only, and one at a time for any length of time. They should have called in a female to keep her company and talk with her gently, instead of keeping her alone in male company. There were lots of mis-handlings in this event. Good for all of you for dealing with it so very well. I agree, the nurse is an idiot! And I think she understood that. Why else would she start the whole thing, and then leave?

    1. Thanks for commenting. I hadn't thought about the make only perspective. I asked Sis again and she confirmed that she was alone with two male administrators. So frustrating.

  2. Have your kids call you before they go to the nurse.School nurses are not always well trained. I had one refuse to call my mother on two different occasions after being injured.once was a sprained ankle and the other was a wound that required stitches.I walked all day on the ankle,and the doctor flipped.He said it could have been a hairline fracture.She told me th wound didn't need stitches.I didn't show my Mom til a couple of days later when it got infected.After that my family doctor told me not to go to her again.I was to take a cab to his office, and he said he would pay the cab fare.My mother signed papers giving him permission to treat me if he couldn't get a hold of her right away.

    1. that is a terrible incident that you had to endure. We will take your advice and have the girls start calling or texting us before they visit the school nurse. That is a great idea.

    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. Why, oh why, are your children in public school?? If you cannot afford a good private school, then go homeschooling. I've been a foster parent many times, a pre-adoptive parent, and I can tell you that the whole "Child Care System" is rife with crackpots, abusive social workers, and idiots. Yes, they are all "for the children", until said children reach 18 years of age. Then, the state stops paying whether they are out of high school or not.
    Truly abused children, and I have taken care of many, are forced by the courts to "visit" their abusers. How's that for being abusive?? I have taken kids to social workers who then have kids visit parents in jail. I have taken kids to see the father or mother who sexually/physically abused them, in a "secure" location. The stories go on and on. Incidentally, should CPS get ahold of your children, be aware that they will never own luggage. CPS requires that all belongs be transported in green garbage bags. The whole system abusive.
    Go after that school nurse-she is incompetent. Period. I would also point out that male authority figures-not one but two- were alone with your daughter and pressuring her to validate their story. Your daughter was guilty of no crime, yet she was detained, isolated, denied one phone call, and other constitutional rights.
    You and your whole family stood up admirably to this charade!
    -Stealth Spaniel

    1. we are still trying to grasp this entire situation. We have not decided whether or not to take our children back to school tomorrow. I have also not decided yet whether or not we should contact a family attorney.

    2. ^^^THIS^^^ Government schools do 1000 times more harm than good. Think seriously about home schooling/private schooling them, especially since they are girls.
      As for handling the situation you all did an excellent job !

  4. I have a couple of phrases for you from my first few semesters of radiography school: Standard of Care & Negligence

    These two phrases should be presented in your meeting, and if they have a lawyer present it should get his/her attention.

    1. LOL. when I had that class for X ray in 2003 it was called Medical Law & ethics. Good information to know. Thanks for bringing it up.

  5. Too many "School Nurses" are not one at all. I'm glad things worked out. It is time to head north when you can. Kind of a Get Out Of Dodge situation.

    1. I agree Rob. We cannot get into that house fast enough.

  6. One thing to think on. Unless "The Queen" is in the habit of telling tall tales you had warning a lot sooner than Sis telling you the password. Would "The Queen" have told you a tale or not notified you if the situation had downgraded? If not, then you trusted school officials over your daughter. Next time, trust your daughter. The most it would have cost was your wife making a trip to the school and checking on the kids.

    And please double check on the actual laws regarding interviewing your child with a parent present. I'm not an expert but many states will not allow an interview without a parent or family member present. Note family member, not necessarily the parent.

    Having said all of that. You are right. Yanking your child without speaking with officials would have come across as a sign of guilt and been a problem with proving your innocence later. And yes, when it comes to CPS, you have to prove your innocence rather then them proving your guilt.

    I am immensely glad that this turned out in a positive manner for both you, your wife and your children. BTW, make sure to take a written checklist of points with you to the meeting. From experience, they will shift topics and moving the conversation so that you think you said everything and they agreed while in truth they just danced around everything and got you to forget the trest.

    1. your words could not be truer. I will err on the side of trust next time.

  7. Oh, and make sure that you get a copy of any documentation, including the police report stating that nothing was found.

  8. It's terribly "ironic" how the school's procedure is almost certain to enrage and panic the parents. Which is "coincidentally" exactly the behavior they're watching for to justify police and CPS. Your family got out of this relatively unscathed because you are EXCEPTIONAL.

    The school's policy is likely based upon recommendations or guidelines handed to them from a higher authority. This authority has done a horrible job writing these guidelines! As written, they apparently pursue the "best interest of the child" with the understanding that no one will be held accountable for any harm done to the family unit. Typical government.

    This needs to be re-written to take the utmost care to make sure parents and students are both informed, made comfortable and feel secure throughout the process. But good luck with that, given this Great Nation's long, dark history.

    1. thank you for the compliment. Of course, we are never given a class on how to be good parents. We simply mimic what we saw in our own parents or if you're lucky, we utilize things we've read from books and observed from other people. I am as happy as one could be in the outcome of this events... so far.

  9. You handled that better than I could. I get so upset with beauracracy of any kind.

    1. and that is why I think the good Lord had me 2 hours north of the situation. when it comes to mistreatment of my children, I tend to get very upset. I'm already an intimidating man at 6'4" and 290 pounds.

  10. thanks for follow-up. been very concerned. know what 'the authorities' are like. used to be a social worker.

    didn't feed her to make her tired and to make her break down under questioning. same with moving from room to room and having different bullies try the breaking-down tactic. probably totally illegal, by the way. one writer suggested...home-schooling. check the oklahoma laws. when we started home-schooling we lived in a very restrictive state so we did it totally under the roses
    we then moved to a free state and never had trouble.

    when daughter went to college in yet another state she had a 4.0 average [in chemical engineering].

    home-schooling is so easy. they do most of it themselves because they can read.
    we used rod and staff curriculum but they hadn't a complete curriculum then. theirs is straight to the point and affordable. i understand that the available curriculum has expanded since then.

    the rest of her education came from library loans and from library book sales--they are great.

    you'll find that many curricula are horribly expensive.
    as our home-schooling group leader said to me, instead of having texts with excerpts have the child read the whole book from which the excerpt comes.

    very sensible.
    when you buy books make sure it doesn't say 'condensed' or 'abridged'. this just means they've been dumbed down.

    also, the home-schooled child may proceed at his own rate. if arithmetic is too hard wait a year. this can be done without making a child ashamed, which is what happened in the schools i attended.

    if your wife is out and about with a child during school hours and someone enquires just say , 'oh, she's privately educated.' . the asker will assume a private school has a day off or let out early.
    most enquirers are not evil just curious.

    i hope you will seriously consider home-schooling.
    if you go legal some districts, recognizing you as taxpayers, will allow home-schoolers to participate in things like band classes, et cetera.
    up to you and the superintendent.

    a home-schooling support group can be good or bad. check them carefully before becoming too involved.

    if you home-school you will save on worry about driving in ice and snow--used to live in ok, know all about it- and gasoline, wear and tear on vehicles, nerves.
    i don't know how Home-school Legal Defense has evolved but it has been recommended to join for protection.
    God bless all of you. glad the girls are safe!!

    deb harvey

    1. hi Deb. You have some great comments. You remind me of the car sales tactics I was taught years ago. We were taught to keep the customer past lunch and to not let them leave at any cost. We would appraise their car for a trade in and keep their keys. So they couldn't leave. I lasted four months at that job. I hated it.

  11. hi. forgot to mention , i never leave daughter alone with a man. those two male educators could find themselves in hell-hot water should you decide to sue. the nurse or another female should have been present at all times.

    mention this prominently when you interview them.

    you might take a lawyer friend with you. always a good idea to load the cannon in your children's favor.

    don't leave home without him [lawyer].

    deb harvey

    1. what type of lawyer would handle this type of case? Is there such thing as family law?

  12. butterbean carpenterSeptember 1, 2013 at 2:31 PM

    Howdy OJD,
    The Lord was with y'all, just as your wife realized and was lead by the Holy Spirit.. What most people don't know is CPS is a force unto themselves and usually led by political-career-minded people who just want to make themselves look GOOD!! YES, the nurse was VERY WRONG and probably didn't even know it; my daughter, who is a mother, but with NO ACTUAL NURSING KNOWLEDGE, is LEFT IN CHARGE OF THE SCHOOL CLINIC, several days a week, because of the shortage of REAL NURSES !!! She works in the school office, assisting teachers, as needed...
    Glad y'all are getting away from that area, but hope the 'new' one is a whole lot better...
    We have friends and our son whose children are HOME-SCHOOLED
    and are light-years ahead of kids their same ages... A couple of them have graduated from Well-Known Universities, with honors !!!

    Hope the moving gets done without any more fiascoes and y'all can have many WONDERFUL HAPPY DAYS !!!!!

  13. Thank you for this. It's something I'd thought of -- and my 9 year old son started thinking along the same lines, independently, when he was assigned a recent Family Home Evening lesson -- but I hadn't actually done it. Seems like a good time...

    Oh, and I realize full well that it isn't for everyone, nor is it a sure escape from bad decisions by those in authority (like CPS), but home schooling rocks.

    1. Set it in motion brother. Look how it helped us.

  14. The reason I was aware of the problem with male-only authority figures questioning a possible child abuse subject comes from a court case here in Indiana. I was called in as jury to try an accused abuser. The county prosecutor spent two hours alone in an office with the little girl, (age 10), grilling her about what happened. When this was discovered, he had to recuse himself from the case, and dump it into unprepared less experienced hands. That lawyer bungled the case so badly that we, the jury, were prepared to acquit him of all charges, when we were called into court and told that he had confessed, case over, thank you for your time! Wow! It was an awful, frustrating, and terrible experience to go through and we were left feeling so resentful because the little girl seemed to be the unrepresented subject of the whole experience, and nobody was watching out for her. The abuser ended up in prison, but seemingly just because of his own guilty conscience, not because of good work on the part of any of the people who were supposed to take care of the little girl. Again, I'm so glad your children are loved and protected by you, who cared enough to prepare her to take care of herself and to call on help when needed. We need to give our kids the tools to protect themselves and get help when the stuff hits the fan.

    1. Wifey read this comment to me as we drove back from purchasing north. It really hits home.

  15. My wife's been teaching for over 20 years. Five years ago she started teaching with Look them up OJD. They provide all the curriculum and supplies your kids need to learn at their own pace.'s funding comes out of your local school's budget, not a dime from you. Your wife would become your kids "learning coach" and the kids still have a full time on-line teacher as well. It is the best learning environment for many (not all) children.

    I am so glad He was with your whole family throughout this ordeal! You and your family are awesome folks!!

    1. I will look into it brother. We have blogged before about our desire to homeschool and also our fear of being inadequate teachers.

  16. I thank God for bringing your family through this ordeal!

    Each member did their job perfectly. I have to agree with Kyrsyan K... unless Queen is in the habit of exaggerating things, you need to trust her when she's telling you something so serious.

    God bless you all!

    1. Queenie does exaggerate quite a bit and that is why I reacted with little concern. I will definitely err on the side of trust from now on. Good point.

  17. I would urge you to get an attorney, screw these people and the horse they rode in on. If they do it to you, then they'll certainly do it again to someone else that may not be able to handle themselves as well as your family did.

    From the number of mistakes they made, certainly you can force at least a few terminations, starting with that idiot nurse.

    I know from working in retail how serious it is to not allow a minor working for me to not get their break on time (even if it means an older adult goes without) certainly depriving this child of her lunch should be an even bigger sin.

    1. what type of law would handle this type of case?

  18. I am going to throw this out there a civil rights lawyer. Or at least they would point you in the right direction.

  19. I think anon @ 4:15 is own the right track. Then depending if he/she thinks there are damages to be proven at a large enough number ($$) to be worth the effort....

  20. Great post! Our kids are home schooled, but a safe word would still be a good idea for us to come up with. BTW, we still have a free copy of our book for you. Send your address to and I'll mail it right out to you!

  21. I'm sure it varies based on the maturity of the individual child but around what age do you think a child can be 'trusted' with a safe word and not use it spuriously?

    1. I think the only way to know is to try it. You can always come up with a new guess is that you As the parent are the best reliable source to judge.

  22. A few thoughts here even though I am late to the discussion~

    safe word. We too have a safe word. It's not just for the small ones. Husband and I have it too...

    Next I noted you questioned your ability to teach your children. Do you not consider the parents of such children to NOT be able to educate them? Haven't you already instilled many things already? The Bible tells us in Proverbs 22: 6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

    If we continue to send our children to Caesar for their education, we need to stop being surprised when they come home as Romans." ~Voddie Baucham

    Now-in America it is hard to wrap your head around homeschooling. Homeschooling is seen as fringe. I wish for you and your wife to ponder something instead of the negative images of homeschooling and think of this~

    the public school has your children for 6 hours a day, then with transportation another hour. The kids sleep for 6-9 hours You don't get home from work until after five...then dinner, cleanup, homework, and how much time is left for you and your wife's values/morals/standards/guidelines to be imprinted? Seriously.

    We act and react like those we are exposed to~day in and day out. Public schools are not the same as they were in the 70's-when the really big new progressive movement began-as the older teachers were still there. By the mid 80's the schools were completely filled with the new leftie style educators-we are the world, save mother earth, womens choice, anti american sentiment, moral equivalency is the norm. Oh and sex ed? HA

    But basic civics is now corrupted, basic history, basic math and it is totally dumbing down the children to be followers instead of inventors, innovators, and self sufficient.

    I understand your worries, fears, and concerns about homeschooling, but this is not just about your children. It is about raising children outside the box, so that perhaps if we as a nation are to recover, we have the next generation of leaders that can stand. Kids that have been taught how to learn, how to research, and of course the fundamentals that are no longer as fundamental.

    Of course I am a few years past my homeschooling and can see real results with my students. After homeschooling 20 years I have four grads. One that served honorably in Army, now in the police academy while taking online college. Second son began his career at 17 as a volunteer fireman and is now a fireman for the local city and is only one of three in the southern region with specialized training that makes him a tremendous asset to department. He is 21. Third son has been working in the ER while taking nursing classes. He has been there since he was 17. He is 20. Youngest a girl, has an associates degree and is now going to school to perhaps become a lawyer. Who knows? All of the kids have held jobs of one sort or another since they were 12ish. All have worked hard with the family on the farm. And as young adults the four of them get together often. Two are engaged. Its crazy but homeschooling highlights the goals you have as a family. It brightens the values and integrity of each person, and it reinforces the family to the position it originally was given by God.

    Long winded~most certainly~but your children are worth it.

  23. The Info in the blog is out of this world, I so want to read more.
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  24. I'm sorry your family had to endure dealing with all that. I went thru the same thing. To make a long story short, CPS put my 6 year old in foster care. I did all I was asked to do, but nothing I did was good enough. The social worker kept talking about adoption even though the goal is supposedly family reunification. That was 6 years ago. She's still in foster care. She has special needs and is really too old now to be adopted. She will age out of the system in 5 years. The foster mom has indicated that when she turns 18 she doesn't want her anymore.

  25. I forgot to add...if I had to do it again I would homeschool. The public school systems are a mess!!!

  26. It's not over yet, brother. There will be a (possibly) lengthy wait and you need to hope that they decide to close it as an unfounded accusation.

    Then it will sit in the state database for years, and if it happens again, of course that unfounded accusation will be back there.

    I know; my ex-wife played this game on myself and my wife, and while everything was unfounded, this game is a dirty one.

    Although only you can know what is best for your family, I would encourage you and anyone reading to:

    1) Homeschool your kids
    2) Join HSLDA, make use of their materials and keep the emergency number by your doors, and for goodness sake, don't talk to social workers/CPS workers without talking to HSLDA first
    3) Watch this video with your family and know your rights. PRACTICE with the kids, and turn up the command presence when you do so or they won't stand a chance when an officer does!!

    CPS is serious business, I don't want to add to your stress, but it is your job as dad to protect your family, and you can't do that without information. Probably you ARE fine at this point, it's pretty obvious what happened, but they actually bothered to send a worker out to your house - they didn't even do that for me and I had some INSANE accusations against me (sex/physical abuse of young daughter) - so I would be wary.

  27. Most people aren't focusing on this...but you're very smart to have a SAFE WORD. Without it, you wouldn't have been certain that something was wrong!
    We used our SAFE WORD (a food item) to help our kids know, if someone was offering them a ride, who had our permission to do so. If the driver told them the SAFE WORD, all was well. Otherwise, they needed to call and check with us.
    The girls are in their twenties -- and we still all use that word when needed.


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